Beer

This is going to be more contentious than a coffee or bread argument, so I'll just stick to the facts on how to order a beer in a pub.  A 'pot' is a 10 oz glass, good if you are watching your figure because you'll need to make lots of trips to the bar to ingest a decent amount of beer.  A 'schooner' is a 15 oz glass, getting closer to a reasonable size.  Order a pint and you'll get a 20 oz glass, that's half the trips back to the bar a pot would cost you!  Of course, this is in Queensland and will vary from state to state.

Ah, hell with it.  Beer here is generally pretty good, but it will cost you.  If you've taken a liking to some of the finer beers America has to offer, you're out of luck.  There isn't anything comparable to Rogue, New Belgium, Stone, Full Sail, or Sierra Nevada, but the microbrew trend started later here and still has a ways to go.  People will tell you American beer is crap, but that's because we export Bud and Miller.  Same as judging Australian beer by Foster's.

You can find some Sam Adams and Sierra Nevada brews at larger bottle shops and online, a six pack costing what you'd pay for a twelve in the U.S.  I have a really hard time paying $22 for a six of Boston Lager.

Schnitzel

Seems like every pub, butcher shop (yes, they still exist here), and supermarket has some variant of schnitzel.  It's meat pounded thin and coated in bread crumbs.  Sounds a lot like Shake 'n Bake to me, which means Australians are really
only cheese in a can away from being Americans.

Long black

I want coffee.  Preferably drip, lava hot, in a large paperish cup with some kind of dorky sleeve on it to keep the lava from burning the crap out of my hand as I try to sip it and burn the crap out of my tongue instead.  Starbucks is only on every other corner here, so at some point you will need to visit one of the native coffee vendors.

Try to find a drip coffee on the menu.  You'll find it if you get out of line and walk a few blocks over to Starbucks.

What's an American that wants a big cup of black coffee to do?  The drinks are all espresso-based. Check the menu and you'll see a flat white and a long black.  Flat white is espresso and microfoamed milk (more or less a latte) and a long black is an Americano.

You know which one I order.  Strong and bitter, like my women.

Shifting gears a little

It's been a long, long time since I've written anything here for you, kiddo.  Being a dad means being prone to repeating yourself and since I have a natural tendency to do that anyway, I thought it better to shut up until I had something new to say.  "New material? From my dad?" I can hear you say, but it's true.

Stuff I Should Have Figured Out About Australia Sooner.

Consider it things left out of the travel guides, or maybe an American to Australian translation service.  However you want to view it, I'll throw in my observations and will even take requests.